Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
