Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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