So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
