Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
