Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you had me at cake vodka
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
