About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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