No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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