It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You can't motorboat a personality
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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