shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
