I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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