WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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