She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
