I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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