I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You can't motorboat a personality
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
