Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
