My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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