Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
