I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
