Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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