I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
