Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
