who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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