At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
