Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
