It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
