i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
