he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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