ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
