I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
