I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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