well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
