just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
