Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Randomize
