Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
