Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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