i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
