dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
