hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
