She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
