Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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