Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
