I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
