im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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