I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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