I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
