Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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