You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
