absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
