i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
