If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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