Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
